Raining day, Emo day

well, obviously this is another emo post again.

i started my sem 4 about 7 weeks ago and of course i had encounter some CAL quiz as well.
well, maybe this year is really not a good year for me, i score not as good as what i scored last time.
for the first quiz, i score B.
this makes my mentor wanted to meet me personally because her other mentees all scored A!!!
A!!! is A!!!!
WHY???
i worked so hard for the first quiz and i think is easy for me, but end up i scored the worst among other mentees.
am i really that bad?
when i telling this to my friends they were saying that just let it be, dont let a small thing ruined ur life.
maybe they don't understand me well, i take it very seriously on grades actually.
maybe you can say i kiasu, but i would say 这是给我自己的交代。
我对我自己有一定的要求，只是你不明白我自己的要求而已。
别告诉我不要比较，不比较哪来的进步？
Due to no feedback session for the 1st quiz, this makes me even worst because i have no idea which questions i got wrong and make me score B.
Even one of my friend also got shocked when i said i score B. Cause i rarely score B in quiz.
BUT, i scored a lot of Bssss in these few quiz.
I dont know what happen to me recently
I really did my best in everything
I did self study, i did group discussion, i did my own notes, i did revise at least 2 times before exam and yet i cant score well in just even quiz.
WHAT ABOUT FINAL EXAM???
This makes me so stressful when i think of it.
And this makes me think that did i enter the wrong course?
but i chose this on my own and there is no way for me to regret now.
i really love this course, but i really dont know i suitable or not.
This course needs a lot of application of our knowledge which i am super weak in it.
Anyone can help me or teach me how to apply what i have learn?
I guess no one can help me except for myself.


I really dont know what happen to me during this semester.
I just wanna pass every semester safely(if can with my desired cgpa as well). I dont request much.
I will do my best in everything, i will try not to be lazy anymore.
God, please make my wishes come true. Please. I beg you. Please.
and please make 2015 year good to me. I dont request much, just be good to me. 我只想平平安安，顺顺利利地过完2015，仅此而已。谢谢


~Ginny~
~5.00pm~

压力山大!!!

I NEVER FELT SO STRESSFUL BEFORE!!
i have never felt so stressful until i cried in the middle of the night..
nearly can't stop
wanna find someone and talk but could not.
scroll the whatsapp list and see no one i can talk to at that time.
i know only myself can handle my stress and no one else could help me
but sometimes i wish i have a shoulder to lean on, i wish i have someone who can understand me even i dont speak a word
well, i know is very difficult to find that right person in my life.
when you are stressful, you will blindly think of anything which comes into your mind and the condition will be super worst and cause u cry non stop
but i felt much more better after i cried out
i know i should not cry as cry could not help me to solve my problem but yet i feel better afterwards.
what i only can tell myself is, be strong and tough after u cry.

sometimes, is kinda sad when think about my own situation.
i dont think i have any best friend who really can consider as best friend, one pair up with another and the other pair up with another as well! then how about me? do i really dont worth your friendship? well, maybe i dont understand your condition and thats why, but can u please take care of my feeling as well?
i always make jokes and laugh does not mean that i am really happy.
the harder i laugh, the sadder i am!
anyone knows about that??
i guess no one.
as the middle child in family, same situation as well.
you hardly will get the attention unless u did something wrong and then u will get scolded badly at that time.
do i only worth to be scolded? i did some good jobs as well! why dont you ever praise me?? WHY??

sometimes, when u treat other people good but they dont appreciate that.
and they take that for guaranted.
well, honestly speaking,
I FUCKING DONT LIKE THE WAY U SPEAK!
maybe u felt the same as well to the way i spoke
but please, can you be more CONSIDERATE when you speak???
can u dont be so SACARSTIC?? AS U DONT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE BE SO SACARSTIC AS WELL! IS THE SAME THING!
DONT EXPECT PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU GOOD WHEN U TREAT PEOPLE BADLY!
PLEASE THINK ABOUT WHY PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!

I WILL TREAT YOU AS HOW YOU TREAT ME!
TAKE MY WORDS!
I WILL DO THAT!

well, the mood when i am writing this post is like sitting on a roller coaster
emo, sad, angry, mad and then finally calm down.
well, maybe i need to train myself to be more cold hearted and dont care so much about what other people says
just be myself will do
no one has the rights to care about how u be except for yourself

加油吧！陈盈薇！你可以的！

~Ginny~
~2.34am~

Emo, emo and emo

我深深得体会到被人背叛的感觉是什么了。
还要是被自己的好朋友背叛。
感觉更是痛上加痛！！！
我从来没有试过那么心痛！真的！！！　

说要撮合我们俩，结果呢？？？到头来你告诉我你喜欢他了！！！
之前说什么只是兄弟，我告诉你他摆明喜欢你，可是你却不承认。
结果呢？？？
明明对方都是互相喜欢，那你干吗推给我啊？？
这边厢说要撮合我们俩，那边厢却跟他调情？？？
那我很怀疑你到底是不是真心要撮合我们俩了！！
你很像是在给一个我永远拿不到的玩具我，然后还要在我的面前炫耀！！
你知道吗，我看到你和他在聊天，而他却没有回复我的信息，让我有多自卑吗？
我有那么差吗？连你都不如？？？
当我看到你们俩的whatsapp都是在线的时候，我会觉得你们好像在我背后搞外遇！！　
（虽然我知道我没有那个资格这么说，可是那就是我的感觉啊！）
我有那么没有存在感吗？？？

我不是回收桶，也不是让你伤害的人！！
说不想伤害任何人，但是你知道吗，到头来你伤害了每一个人！！
包括无辜的我在内！！　
想起来自己也很笨，明知道你们是互相喜欢，那干吗还一头栽下去呢？？？
可能我傻傻得认为自己还有机会吧。
可是其实我是一点机会都没有的。
我不想再经历回之前的事情，我不想我未来的男朋友会因为还没放得下另一个人而跟我分手。
我会觉得自己一点价值都没有，连自己喜欢的人都留不住，被比下去了。

我真的有那么失败吗？我连拍拖都需要别人来撮合才行么？？？我连拍拖都要别人成全才可以吗？？我有那么卑微吗？？？我好歹也没有那么差吧！！
可是事情证明如此，我真的很失败。
我真后悔听你的话，我应该不让你撮合我们的。
那我就不会那么伤了。
我都不懂自己为了这件事情哭了多少次了。
很笨吧？每次都在背后自己哭，自己伤心，别人都不知道。
那有用吗？
自己伤心没人安慰，只能自己擦眼泪。
被人推下泥潭，结果现在自己深深陷入了，很难抽离了。
我该怎么办？？？


时间会冲淡一切吧。但愿如此。


~Ginny~
~12.48pm~

下雨天，想家了

finally started my semester 2 last week.
thank god because i passed my sem 1.
although the result not very good, but at least is still out of my expectation because i thought i score very worst.
well,our uni has merit system,which means if ur cgpa get 3.5 and above the u can deduct your fees by 30% for sem2.
unfortunately, my result was 3.40!!! omg!!! 差一点~~~
whatever. i cant do anything to change that but accept the fact.

well,finally here rains after few days of haze.
tonight it rains while i am awake.
i guess few days before it rains while i am sleeping, no wonder i can feel my room is quite cooling when i woke up. LOL

下雨天，一个人的时候，会特别寂寞。
不一定是感情上的寂寞，可能已经习惯家里总是有人吵吵闹闹，现在一个人住反而不习惯吧。
在大学也没有遇到知己，知心的朋友，所以就算有什么心事也没人可以诉苦。
如果说跟自己的好朋友诉苦，我又不是很喜欢用手机打字，因为觉得不像是在诉苦。
有任何事情要问别人的意见也很困难，我看我得学习有主见，别再依赖别人来帮自己做决定。
要独立！要有主见！要做回自己！不要为了任何人委屈自己！
加油！你可以的！！！ fighting!
*is time back to study*


~Ginny~
~10.10pm~

~Feeling lazy~

imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~

imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~

imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~
imma feeling lazy now~~~

OMG!! why i feel so lazy to study now???
because today is Thursday and gonna be home tomorrow and thats why?
maybe..perhaps..or that is the truth...
i used to tell myself that i will be studying at home during weekend,
but actually i do nothing at home other than enjoy my super easy life!
i feel sleepy but still dont willing to go to bed now because feel guilty on too early go to bed...
but i feel lazy to study too!
then how should i do leh?
so i BLOG lo! XD

everything is based on online and self learning..
no more spoon feeding in this level..
now i seems like still can cope with subjects in this course,
but i am afraid that i really seems like capable only but actually i am not..='(
i used to studied before the lecturer so that i wont be so confuse during the class..
but i realised that i tend not to pay attention in the class because i already know what the lecturer gonna teach in the class..
should i continue my way? or maybe i can read through before the class but not study it?
because i have no time for revision after i study those subjects needed for next class...
hmm..i should think some better ways to solve my questions!


erhmm~ coming few weeks will be hectic weeks..
because need to submit a lot of assignments and most of them are in power point and one of it is record video!
luckily most of them are work in groups but the assignment that require to record video is INDIVIDUAL WORK!!!
the most important point is, ALL THESE ASSIGNMENTS CONTRIBUTE MARKS TO UR GRADING!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
well, this system should be applied during high school time leh..
last time i was so hardworking to finish up all the homeworks and yet got nothing other than self improvement in that subjects...
if this way can apply during high school time then all my hard works paid on homework are valuable liao~ XD


alright, hope i really can cope with all these challenges i am facing right now...
TAN GIN WEI! ALL THE BEST!!!
GAMBATEH!!
AZA-AZA FIGHTING!!!
U CAN DO IT!!
ps: dont be so lazy anymore.. today is the last time! XP


~Ginny~
~12.10am~

First post done in uni~ =D

wow~ i am officially an IMU student right now~
should i feel happy or great about this?
maybe i should feel that i am fortunate enough that at least i can go back home once in a week although i rent a room at there..
well,as u can see from the title, this post is done within IMU..
now i was waiting my 2.45pm class and since i have ntg to do so i blog! XD

well,now,lets talk about my uni life here..
first day when i came into IMU, i accidentally met my secondary school friend here!
i was soooo happy that i met her because if without her i will be super lonely at here..
very pityful leh..T.T
first week was orientation week and i really had lots of fun with my group members!
seriously i like them sooooo much~
they make me feel warm being in IMU and wont feel lonely..
too bad and too sad orientation only last for 1 week..
i wish i can be with them for longer time but too bad, mostly all of us are from different couse..
seldom can meet and chat..T.T
but,luckily i met a gang of 38 friends here yesterday night..
yesterday night was senior junior night held by seniors from ND112..
it was really awesome night! =D
that night makes me met one 38 gang and eventually we spent a happy night too! teehee~~~=D

the lecturer classes just started for about one week and i had come acroos 4 subjects..
in IMU,they like go green and they like to put everything online especially lecturers' notes.
u have to print out and bring to the class..
or not u have to read it first become u go for that class.
they also have i-lecturer section which u can listen the lecturer's voice recoding while learning.
actually this is quite good but just some subject cannot open i-lecturer..
and some lecturer has mono tone voice and makes me feel sleepy when i listen to that.. @.@

well,maybe is just because of i still in sem1, actually my timetable quite free and some even have big gap in between the classes.
just like today, i only have class from 2.45pm-3.45pm and thats all for today!
why dont they make it earlier so that i can go home earlier?
i miss my home so much lehhhh~~~ T.T


well, i think i should end this post here~
and tell everyone that i am coming home!! YEAH!!! =D


~Ginny~
~2.19pm~
~in IMU~ =)

first day in uni + HoMe sIcK~~~

i am having home sicking right now...T.T
i am having home sicking right now...T.T
i am having home sicking right now...T.T


today,i finally started my new chapter of my life-my uni life in IMU.
yesterday i had moved into a room that i rent in an apartment so that easier for my uni life.
at first i was ok, but when i lye down on the bed my tears started coming out.
i also dont know why.
just felt so lonely at here because i was staying alone in a single room.
and this makes me insomnia for so long and eventually i dont have enough sleep.=_=

well,my first day of uni was from 8am-8pm.
luckily i have done all my things much more earlier and i back to my room before 12 noon.
this is the benefit of renting a room near ur uni..=D
by on the air-cond, i invited my old school mates and her housemates come to my room and have our lunch.
this is sooooo enjoyable~ XD


before i had my lunch, i called my mom and told her what happen on this morning plus yesterday's night time's issues.
just right before i end the call,i felt my tears is running in my eye and i broke down again when i ended the call.
well,maybe because this is my first time staying so far away from home and is not the purpose of vacation, and i very fast start home sick already.
plus when i came back from uni after ended all activities,the feeling of going back a room that staying alone and u have no one can talk to at the moment plus no one cook for ur lunch and dinner plus waiting for u to come back,gather all these kind of feelings and  i broke down again.
first time i felt myself is so WEAK and so easy to break down.


well,i really have no idea how am i going to spend my 4 years of life in this room.
what in my mind now is i want weekend to reach as fast as possible although this week is the most fun week in uni life bcoz having orientation.
but whatever, the most important thing is i can go home as fast as i could.
mom,i really miss u so much.
please forgive me that i am not daring enough to say in front of u and only can pass my message to u thru here.
I LOVE U,MOM~ <3>


~Ginny~
~11.11pm~