压力山大!!!

I NEVER FELT SO STRESSFUL BEFORE!!
i have never felt so stressful until i cried in the middle of the night..
nearly can't stop
wanna find someone and talk but could not.
scroll the whatsapp list and see no one i can talk to at that time.
i know only myself can handle my stress and no one else could help me
but sometimes i wish i have a shoulder to lean on, i wish i have someone who can understand me even i dont speak a word
well, i know is very difficult to find that right person in my life.
when you are stressful, you will blindly think of anything which comes into your mind and the condition will be super worst and cause u cry non stop
but i felt much more better after i cried out
i know i should not cry as cry could not help me to solve my problem but yet i feel better afterwards.
what i only can tell myself is, be strong and tough after u cry.

sometimes, is kinda sad when think about my own situation.
i dont think i have any best friend who really can consider as best friend, one pair up with another and the other pair up with another as well! then how about me? do i really dont worth your friendship? well, maybe i dont understand your condition and thats why, but can u please take care of my feeling as well?
i always make jokes and laugh does not mean that i am really happy.
the harder i laugh, the sadder i am!
anyone knows about that??
i guess no one.
as the middle child in family, same situation as well.
you hardly will get the attention unless u did something wrong and then u will get scolded badly at that time.
do i only worth to be scolded? i did some good jobs as well! why dont you ever praise me?? WHY??

sometimes, when u treat other people good but they dont appreciate that.
and they take that for guaranted.
well, honestly speaking,
I FUCKING DONT LIKE THE WAY U SPEAK!
maybe u felt the same as well to the way i spoke
but please, can you be more CONSIDERATE when you speak???
can u dont be so SACARSTIC?? AS U DONT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE BE SO SACARSTIC AS WELL! IS THE SAME THING!
DONT EXPECT PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU GOOD WHEN U TREAT PEOPLE BADLY!
PLEASE THINK ABOUT WHY PEOPLE TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!

I WILL TREAT YOU AS HOW YOU TREAT ME!
TAKE MY WORDS!
I WILL DO THAT!

well, the mood when i am writing this post is like sitting on a roller coaster
emo, sad, angry, mad and then finally calm down.
well, maybe i need to train myself to be more cold hearted and dont care so much about what other people says
just be myself will do
no one has the rights to care about how u be except for yourself

加油吧！陈盈薇！你可以的！

~Ginny~
~2.34am~

Emo, emo and emo

我深深得体会到被人背叛的感觉是什么了。
还要是被自己的好朋友背叛。
感觉更是痛上加痛！！！
我从来没有试过那么心痛！真的！！！　

说要撮合我们俩，结果呢？？？到头来你告诉我你喜欢他了！！！
之前说什么只是兄弟，我告诉你他摆明喜欢你，可是你却不承认。
结果呢？？？
明明对方都是互相喜欢，那你干吗推给我啊？？
这边厢说要撮合我们俩，那边厢却跟他调情？？？
那我很怀疑你到底是不是真心要撮合我们俩了！！
你很像是在给一个我永远拿不到的玩具我，然后还要在我的面前炫耀！！
你知道吗，我看到你和他在聊天，而他却没有回复我的信息，让我有多自卑吗？
我有那么差吗？连你都不如？？？
当我看到你们俩的whatsapp都是在线的时候，我会觉得你们好像在我背后搞外遇！！　
（虽然我知道我没有那个资格这么说，可是那就是我的感觉啊！）
我有那么没有存在感吗？？？

我不是回收桶，也不是让你伤害的人！！
说不想伤害任何人，但是你知道吗，到头来你伤害了每一个人！！
包括无辜的我在内！！　
想起来自己也很笨，明知道你们是互相喜欢，那干吗还一头栽下去呢？？？
可能我傻傻得认为自己还有机会吧。
可是其实我是一点机会都没有的。
我不想再经历回之前的事情，我不想我未来的男朋友会因为还没放得下另一个人而跟我分手。
我会觉得自己一点价值都没有，连自己喜欢的人都留不住，被比下去了。

我真的有那么失败吗？我连拍拖都需要别人来撮合才行么？？？我连拍拖都要别人成全才可以吗？？我有那么卑微吗？？？我好歹也没有那么差吧！！
可是事情证明如此，我真的很失败。
我真后悔听你的话，我应该不让你撮合我们的。
那我就不会那么伤了。
我都不懂自己为了这件事情哭了多少次了。
很笨吧？每次都在背后自己哭，自己伤心，别人都不知道。
那有用吗？
自己伤心没人安慰，只能自己擦眼泪。
被人推下泥潭，结果现在自己深深陷入了，很难抽离了。
我该怎么办？？？


时间会冲淡一切吧。但愿如此。


~Ginny~
~12.48pm~

下雨天，想家了

finally started my semester 2 last week.
thank god because i passed my sem 1.
although the result not very good, but at least is still out of my expectation because i thought i score very worst.
well,our uni has merit system,which means if ur cgpa get 3.5 and above the u can deduct your fees by 30% for sem2.
unfortunately, my result was 3.40!!! omg!!! 差一点~~~
whatever. i cant do anything to change that but accept the fact.

well,finally here rains after few days of haze.
tonight it rains while i am awake.
i guess few days before it rains while i am sleeping, no wonder i can feel my room is quite cooling when i woke up. LOL

下雨天，一个人的时候，会特别寂寞。
不一定是感情上的寂寞，可能已经习惯家里总是有人吵吵闹闹，现在一个人住反而不习惯吧。
在大学也没有遇到知己，知心的朋友，所以就算有什么心事也没人可以诉苦。
如果说跟自己的好朋友诉苦，我又不是很喜欢用手机打字，因为觉得不像是在诉苦。
有任何事情要问别人的意见也很困难，我看我得学习有主见，别再依赖别人来帮自己做决定。
要独立！要有主见！要做回自己！不要为了任何人委屈自己！
加油！你可以的！！！ fighting!
*is time back to study*


~Ginny~
~10.10pm~